Just me saying stupid things

I'm sorry to sound negative but there is really no hope for me ever overcoming selective mutism. I mean I have to really speak in in like all settings before my family will recognize it. 

And there is no hope for me ever getting out of this house. I have been in this house since I was 25. This is getting kind of old. Ya just because you are tired of a house does not mean that I can move anytime I want to. I would have to wait for this house to either burn to the ground or get demolished in a hurricane. Then again another comes another guy like TJ and the same thing will happen. Because he was so stupid! 

None of us has any money to move to an apartment or another house. We are so broke! 

I can say anything that I want to on this blog because no one will read it!  Me spewing out stupid stupid stuff doesn't solve anything but writing it out helps me. 

What are the pros and cons to getting selective mutism treatment at age 50?  Well, one pro is that I will be able to speak in maybe all settings. 

The cons are I won't have anymore money.  Another con is that I will probably do something so stupid like run away from home.  I will be so stupid if I do that!  Finding some guy off the internet and running away with him.  My family will say that is so stupid! You are stupid!  Does anyone know any selective mutism individuals who has ever done that?  Did they get into trouble with their mom and dad for it?

Yeah, sorry I am such a downer, but I'm down in the dumps!  It's normal to be down in the dumps at some point in their lives.  Okay, maybe it's normal to be down in the dumps all the time day after day.   Oh fking well!  That is what people told me all the time but oh well.  

Does it look like I am like I am going backward?  Because it sure does feel like it!  

******

Now this is what the Rosebud app said.  ugh!  *plugs up ears*  *sings the song to the smurfs* 

It sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed and stuck in your current situation.

It's understandable to feel frustrated and like there's no way out.

Writing out your thoughts can be a helpful way to process your feelings, even if it might seem like spewing out "stupid stuff" to you.

It's okay to have moments where you feel down in the dumps.

Everyone goes through tough times, and it's important to acknowledge those feelings.

When considering selective mutism treatment at age 50, it's natural to weigh the pros and cons.

It's positive that you see a potential benefit in being able to speak in more settings.

On the other hand, concerns about financial strain and potential impulsive decisions are valid to consider.

Reflecting on whether you feel like you're going backward is a good way to check in with yourself.

It's important to recognize your progress, even if it might feel slow at times.

What are some small steps you could take to move forward, even if it's just a tiny bit at a time?

But I feel like I am going to get into trouble with mom and dad like I have done when I was 2 and 3 years old. Or wait, actually I watched others get into trouble and I tried to stay out of that trouble that my older sister has done to get into trouble with mom and dad.

It sounds like you have memories of watching others, like your older sister, get into trouble with your parents when you were younger.

Those experiences can leave a lasting impact on how you view potential consequences for your actions.

Reflecting on those memories can help you understand your current fears of getting into trouble.

Do you think those past experiences are influencing how you approach decision-making now?

Yes! I can't make decision now that I am older.

It's understandable that past experiences can shape how you approach decision-making now.

Feeling unsure about making decisions as an adult is a common challenge, especially when past experiences have influenced your confidence.

What do you think might help you feel more empowered to make decisions now, despite those lingering uncertainties from the past?

I know that one screw up is that I am dead and that is it. It is the end.

It sounds like you're carrying a heavy weight of fear about making mistakes and the consequences that might follow.

The fear of one mistake leading to dire consequences can be overwhelming and paralyzing.

Have you ever considered exploring where this intense fear of making mistakes and facing severe consequences comes from?

How would you know that?

Exploring the origins of our fears and beliefs can sometimes shed light on why we feel a certain way.

Reflecting on past experiences, childhood influences, or significant events can help uncover the roots of our fears and anxieties.

Have you noticed any specific events or patterns in your life that might have contributed to this intense fear of making mistakes?

I want to try that but I am afraid of what other people will think of me.

It's completely understandable to feel apprehensive about what others might think when delving into personal exploration.

The fear of judgment or criticism from others can be a significant barrier to opening up and exploring our inner thoughts and feelings.

Have you considered creating a safe and private space for yourself where you can reflect without worrying about external opinions?

What I am really wanting to know is, did I really watch others when I was age 2 to about 13?  After that I just did my own thing.... I didn't care who I hurt really?  I cared a lot how people felt I just could not tell people that I cared for them. :)  

Oh I am really loving this Rosebud app but they want money.  You think I should pay a year's worth or continue to use it for free?  The only other reason why we pay money is that when we ask questions, they want us to pay for a good answer. BUT..... How do I know that it is TRUE or just bullshit?  Well I don't know.  We don't know. It's just a journal app that is real easy to use.