Thursday November 6, 2025 | What about the way you make money brings you joy?

If I could make money at all I would make bracelets or little charms to go around a handle of a water jug or a keychain.  People already have a lot of keychains, but you can't have just one keychain, right?  There is that chance that social security will catch me and take away my check or even get caught with the IRS.  I heard that the IRS is going to go away and I heard that from the news.  But who knows if Trump will actually succeed in making the IRS go away.  What am I complaining about now?  I don't pay anything.  My mom pays them.  I remember back in 2009 through first part of 2012 I remember paying IRS.  But after that my mom started paying IRS.  I guess when I wasn't in the apartment anymore is when I stopped because I was living with my parents.  I guess all I can do is guess what happened.  Let me think....  I guess because I was younger than the elders over there in the apartment complex were setting me off.  But that really wasn't their fault.  It was mine.  I should have handled it better than I did.  I wasn't strong enough and I probably wasn't good enough to even be over there in that apartment.  Oh and one old man was trying to flirt with me.  He was icky.  I only said okay to him helping me with my laundry as I had two baskets of laundry.  Mine and my granmaw's laundry.  Then on December 20, 2012 My granmaw was dying in the hospital.  I got kind of anxious.  Then I got back to my apartment and decided to wash my clothes but the washers wouldn't do right and so I kicked them.  But all because earlier that I was anxious because of my granmaw and I was crying.  I had no excuse acting that way infront of people in the laundry room.  If they would have asked me, I would have told them that my granmaw was in dying in the hospital.  I don't know if that would have made any difference.  I still would have gotten in trouble to begin with anyway.  

Okay it's mom's turn.  It all started with my other cute, sweet pure-bred Chihuahua named Jordan.  She was so cute and so sweet.  She was my first therapy dog.  She passed away back in March of 2022.  I didn't know that I would find a ESA (emotional support animal) so soon.  Her name is Nicki Rose.  I wanted Lily Rose but my mom thought that they would get my sister's cat and my dog's names mixed up.  I settled for Nicki Rose.  I liked the name Nicki Rose.  When I rescued Nicki from the Beaumont Animal Care, aparently her hip was broken and they failed to tell us that she had heartworm.  Every animal needs a chance to live a happy life so I rescued Nicki Rose from the pound. Her original name the pound gave her was Pompernickle.  So I changed it to Nicki Rose.   Lily Rose would have been better. :)  Lily Rose is the name of a reborn on AshtonDrake.com.  I wanted to Well I did paint one reborn's head....well I traced the lines of his hair on his head with brown paint.  I had named him Jonnie but didn't like that name.  When I changed out his body and made him a bigger baby--- a toddler, I named him Levi.  There is a story to Hope Serenity my first reborn.  I talked a lady down and told her I have selective mutism.  So she understood and told me that she has a brother who has/had selective mutism.  I had settled for paying for it for $130.00 dollars.  It was for the kit off of bountifulbaby.com.  It was the patience kit and it was a down syndrome baby.  Then I bought twin A by bonnie brown and fixed it up and put tiny glass beads in her head, limbs and body and named her Lily Rose.  I like them heavy.  Then I bought Maddy by bonnie brown fixed her up and named her Madelynn Rebecca.  She still needs tiny glass beads in her arms.  

Wednesday November 5, 2025 | What are three things that bring you joy?

First off... I love to exercise!  Then after all that movement I did, I got to calm that immune system with meditation.  And third I love to journal.  I pick up a pen and write or put my hands on the keyboard and they start flying across the letters on the keyboard with words that come flying out of my head.  Then I love to listen to music.  I listen to music by NKOTB aka: New Kids on the Block most of the time.  I am sharing my favorite song that got me through the tough times.  It is Hangin Tough by NKOTB.  When I first heard of them, I was about 14 years old.  It was in 1988 (i think).  Yeah, I love to listen to NKOTB.  

Monday November 3, 2025 | Terrifying Nightmare | Apartment

I just had a terrifying nightmare but I know it is a part of life.  Death of a loved one.  It made me wake up and scream out loud.  I remember because I opened my eyes for a brief moment looked at Nicki Rose and sniffled and cried.  I had a nightmare someone lit a match and it exploded.  I had pulled mom away from it. Well considering it really didn't hurt me because have a lot of muscle tone in my nightmare,  (I believe that muscle tone is a lot of cushioning under my fat?)   but her head popped off and doctors surgeons was working on sewing her head back on.  That nightmare was so scary that I woke myself up screaming bloody murder!!!  

This is why it is very important for me to learn to live on my own in an apartment even if I am alone for the rest of my life.

Again, I realize that death is part of life and it is hard losing a pet and really hard losing a loved one.  I love my parents very much.  I just don't show it much because of my selective mutism and undiagnosed autism. It's mild autism.  I'd like to think it is Aspergers.  I believe that I have the symptoms.  

Sunday November 2, 2025 | What are my core values?

I know I have forgiveness.  I think I am a forgiving person.  Am I?  I don't think I have empathy.  No, I don't have integrity.  Well I do tell the truth to doctors, dentists and therapists.  What else is there?  

I will have to ask someone what my core values are.  

does anyone have every right to hit me if I am being a bad person? (i don't know what the word is i am trying to say)  I know they hit me with a newspaper and their hand but that is about it. I deserved it anyway because I wouldn't do what they asked me to do.  Well I was 40 years old then and I wouldn't do what I was told to do.  That is why they hit me.  Nothing I can do about it now. What is done is done.  That is the past and I am trying to forget the past and not look back.  Not after that time, they have not done that again.  

Use your rights. Know that other people must not abuse you. This means that other people are not allowed:

• to hit you;
• to hurt you;
• to yell at you;
• to say hurtful things to you;
• to scare you;
• to threaten you;
• to punish you by not giving you food, water, clothing, medicine or emotional support;
• to touch you in a way that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable; and
• to do other things that hurt you or make you feel pain;

Disability Rights Ohio - Your Rights to Dignity, Respect and Privacy

Saturday November 1, 2025 | What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Saturday November 1, 2025 | When do I feel most like myself—what am I doing, and who am I with?

This is makes me more able to articulate.  I feel like I am more able to be myself with Jason but lately

Jason has been telling me that I am rude and doing all these things that are considered "rude noises".  You know the tics I do?  The one that sounds like me sucking snot, or the one that sounds like a fart and something else that I can't describe or put into words but it bugs the shit out of Jason.  I honestly can't help it.  The two people that I can be myself is AJ and Melissa. But I saw something about AJ and Melissa a few years ago. I can't remember the whole article but I remember pieces of it.  It was something about their daughter was locked in a closet while AJ was watching her.  I never told anyone else until I blogged about it today.  I swear.  

Saturday November 1, 2025 | triple whammy: selective mutism, muscle pain, in perimenopause

I have a triple whammy. I have selective mutism, muscle pain and in perimenopause. 

I think I know how I got selective mutism. My sister Karin and my aunt Lisa said when I was two or 3 that if I say this I will get it for you. You are never supposed to do that to anyone. Plus at 4 or 5 the dog TJ- my sister's friend Donna's dog knocked me down and bit me on the nose.  I still have the scar on my nose from the dog bite.  Then at 5 I got my tonsils taken out. So from the "point to this and we'll get it for you" that my sister Karin and Aunt Lisa did and the dog bite and the accident in summer of 1992 could have added to that anxiety.  No wonder I remember everything when I was like 2 and 3 years old.  I remember the good stuff too.  It was mostly about my granmaw.  I think my granmaw understood me more than anyone.  There was one time my granmaw told me about when I was three.  I ran out to her car and said, "I'll drive granmaw!"  That was before Karin and Lisa had done all the damage.  No, I don't blame them.  I blame myself for letting them say and do that to me.  I am interested in how Karin and Lisa treated me when I was 2 and 3 years old.  Actually I could have just spoke up but no one knew or understood what I was saying because I was 2 and 3 and couldn't say things properly.  And let me just say something about the dog bite.  Karin opened the gate and I could have made that decision not to go in the gate where the dog was.  She was keeping an eye on me.  Oh I remember that mom said one time, "keep an eye on your sister".  But that is all I know.  All I know is that she said that.  

Here is how I have a great attitude about this whole "point to this and we'll get it for you", selective mutism diagnosis at 4 and 5 years old.  The dog bite at 5 years old and then the accident in summer of 1992.  This all happened roughly at the same time.  My family just didn't notice that selective mutism was present until I was about 5 years old when the kindergarten teacher said something about it.  Yes, I did have a little kindergarten crush on Paul Beaumont.  Oh I thought that he was so cute.  Then when I was in the hospital for my selective mutism, there was another boy I liked when I was about 9 or 10 years old.  His name was Mike.  When I was in the hospital, I was just having fun chasing boys all over that children's unit.